What do you do when everything feels like it’s not working? When you’re not sure where you’re going, if anywhere, and you don’t know where you want to end up anyway? When everything makes you feel physically tired, even if you’ve had enough sleep? When your overall feeling is bland resignation rather than enthusiasm? When you’re motivated by obligation and not choice? When everything feels like it has the depth and colour of a photocopy? When the photocopier refuses to print A3? When your computer runs slowly for no discernible reason? When your mocha goes cold before you get to drink it? When you sit in the park and stand up to find your butt covered in yellow pollen? When you run out of face-wash? When the shows are too soft and the ads are too loud? When you wake up at 3am because your speakers make a dull buzzing noise, even when they’re switched off? When the bank charges you fees on an account you already closed? When the bus window makes that loud, horrid rattling noise every time the bus stops in traffic and you try to shut it up by leaning on it or wedging your hand between the window and its frame, and all that does is dampen the noise slightly and make you feel itchy? What do you do?

Use black eyeliner.