As its title suggests, this song blames The Man That Got Away for the above adverse conditions, I beg to differ. It takes more than any mere mortal to have such an all-encompassing effect on your existence.

I blame winter.

Anyone who even vaguely knows me will be aware that I’m not a fan of cold weather. If I’m cold, I find it hard to think about anything else. If it’s not my burning ears, it’s my icy (and/or soggy) feet or numb, deathly hands.

And don’t get me started on the toils and troubles of carrying layers of clothing around town and on and off public transport, or how my nose gets so frozen that hot water in the shower runs off cold upon contacting it.

The gray clouds, the too-short days, the stinging winds, the bare trees – awful, awful, awful.

Everything is that little bit harder – waking up, warming up, walking, breathing, living. And you have that little bit more time to think yourself into holes – time to overanalyse when you would normally be out and about with a sunny disposition powered by vitamin D. Now the world looks bleak, so your thoughts start to look bleak, and soon enough you’re spending every evening alone in your den, drinking cooking sherry and developing gout with a full-blast soundtrack of Mozart’s Requiem.

And God help you if you find romance during this time – the object of your affection will only see only your most pathetic side and, eventually, run away screaming. But you’ll try to explain:

“I know it’s only our second date. I’m not getting misty – it’s just the cold night air, I promise! Well, that and your lack of warmth…”

Now for some perspective. Some would argue that my winter whining is just a cop-out – an excuse to be a bad-tempered, melodramatic, pessimistic jerk for the better part of four months of the year. The thought has crossed my mind too, believe me – if anyone is going to see a flaw in my character, it’s me. And especially in winter when everything sucks.

But I’m told that there’s nothing indulgent about it. In fact, it’s a recognised condition – people who hate the cold and hate winter can unite in more than conversation about the weather.

They have what’s called Seasonal Affective Disorder (or “SAD” – convenient little acronym, that one). According to the SAD Association (yes! they have an association!) a diagnosis of SAD can be made after three or more consecutive winters of symptoms, including:

• Desire to oversleep and difficulty staying awake
• Feeling of fatigue and inability to carry out normal routine
• Craving for carbohydrates and sweet foods, usually resulting in weight gain
• Hopelessness and despair, sometimes apathy and loss of feelings
• Irritability and desire to avoid social contact
• Most sufferers show signs of a weakened immune system during the winter, and are more vulnerable to infections and other illnesses

“But that just sounds like winter!” I hear you protest.

Exactly.