…Ways to make ten-pin bowling fun (when you’re badly crap at it)
1. Get your mind into the gutter. Embrace your suckage at this game by playing with a large group of people who suck as badly – if not worse – at this game as you do. Make sure you high-ten each other EVERY SINGLE TIME you bowl, even – NAY, ESPECIALLY – if the pins remain pristinely untouched. Which they will, often. Because you suck.
2. Two-beer rule. I’m not normally an advocate for “drinking makes things better”, but in ye olde waxed lanes this adage definitely applies. Bowling, unless you’re genuinely good at it, blows – really hard. It’s precise and requires upper body strength and coordination. And you know what else does? Playing pool. And you know what rule applies to every pool game? Two beers. Same goes for bowling. Because, for the deeply unco, this stupid game is unbearable otherwise.
3. The Dude. Yes, making The Big Lebowski references will also make the game more fun. Channel John Turturro by faux-licking the ball and telling people in a raspy, lisping pseudo-latino accent, “Do not f*ck with the Jesus”. Go all John Goodman-like by donning some yellow aviators and pulling out your piece whenever someone is “OVER THE LINE” (which will be often – see clause 1). And if someone happens to do well, turn to one of your other friends and say, “12-year-olds*, man”.
