…By request*: Things that should be set on fire

1. MySpace. Crappy interface, crappy layout, crappy load-time, crappety crap crap.  It’s so laden with crap I don’t know how it ever took off.  Burn, muthaf*cka, burn.

2. Don’t Forget the Lyrics. Have I told you lately… how much I hate this show?  Let’s warm our hearths next winter by a bonfire of these tapes.

3. Sparkler powder. Er, don’t try this at home or whatever.  Still, I have fond memories of watching that magnesium glow.  Sure, it’s as bright as the sun and may send you blind watching it but, meh, it’s cool.  Whoosh!

*Remember, every 10th TTD will be by request!  Leave your request below…

…Ways to make ten-pin bowling fun (when you’re badly crap at it)

1. Get your mind into the gutter. Embrace your suckage at this game by playing with a large group of people who suck as badly – if not worse – at this game as you do.  Make sure you high-ten each other EVERY SINGLE TIME you bowl, even – NAY, ESPECIALLY – if the pins remain pristinely untouched.  Which they will, often.  Because you suck.

2. Two-beer rule. I’m not normally an advocate for “drinking makes things better”, but in ye olde waxed lanes this adage definitely applies.  Bowling, unless you’re genuinely good at it, blows – really hard.  It’s precise and requires upper body strength and coordination.  And you know what else does?  Playing pool.  And you know what rule applies to every pool game?  Two beers.  Same goes for bowling.  Because, for the deeply unco, this stupid game is unbearable otherwise.

3. The Dude. Yes, making The Big Lebowski references will also make the game more fun.  Channel John Turturro by faux-licking the ball and telling people in a raspy, lisping pseudo-latino accent, “Do not f*ck with the Jesus”.  Go all John Goodman-like by donning some yellow aviators and pulling out your piece whenever someone is “OVER THE LINE” (which will be often – see clause 1).  And if someone happens to do well, turn to one of your other friends and say, “12-year-olds*, man”.

*Too far?

…I heart NBC*

1. 30 Rock. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’ve heard me crap on about this show countless times already, but it really is still amazing.  Season 4, which they’re about mid-way through, has been brilliant so far.  Tracy and Jenna’s moments of teamwork are inspired.  Liz and Jack are marvellous as always.  Look out for the ‘Audition Day’ episode for sheer magic.

2. Chuck. I have to be honest here, I’m not sure if this show is actually great or whether it’s just because I have a sense-altering crush on the title character, but I find Chuck crazy-enjoyable.  It’s especially awesome for anyone who’s had a mind-numbing job and wished something extraordinary would happen to make it all worthwhile.  Adam Baldwin is gold in his clenched jaw, about-to-punch-everyone-in-the-teeth role.  Also, watching this show is an act of patriotism for us because the leading lady is Aussie!  And who could go past Captain Awesome?  But, best of all, it’s nerds and spies together at last.  Season 3 starts on January 10.

3. Community. This new comedy was recommended to me as: “a show that does what you’re trying to do in your script”.  To be fair, if anyone is going to trump my efforts, I’m happy for it to be NBC.  Community is directed by Joe and Anthony Russo who worked on Arrested Development and, judging from his Tweets, the writer/creator Dan Harmon is delightfully misanthropic.  His sharp dialogue gives both stereotypes and political correctness much-needed serves.  The cast, including Chevy Chase, all deliver unconventional and hilarious characters.  It’s on a mid-season break, so now’s a good time to play catch-up before its return in early January.

*I am in no way affiliated with this company. But if they feel like paying me in free T-shirts for promoting them, they are most welcome (I’ve already got ‘Dealbreakers’, but a ‘Nerd Herd’ one would be great, thanks).

…Modern musical comedy gold

1. Two Nobodies in New York from [Title of Show]
If you’re not into musical theatre because you think it’s cheesy and old-fashioned, this show may well reframe things for you.  Modern musical comedy is sharp, smart, edgy and self-deprecating – and treats its heritage with a good-natured pisstake.  Let Hunter and Jeff be your guide…

2. Great Big Stuff from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
This clip from the Tony Awards features John Lithgow and Norbert Leo Butz – two of the show’s three main characters.  Unfortunately, the swears are censored, which means you lose a few jokes (“…a life of taste and class, with culture and sophistication… pouring out my ASS!”).  But you get the idea -
it’s a cool show.  And yes, based on the film of the same name (but in a good way, I promise).  PS: apparently there was a production of it in Melbourne this year – I wish I’d known!

3. As We Stumble Along from The Drowsy Chaperone
Need a stirring anthem?  Not really?  Well, you’re getting one anyway and,
by jove, it’s sure to lift your spirits.  Melbourne Theatre Company is doing 
this show next year, starring Geoffrey Rush, which is pretty exciting news! 
Created in Canada, this show is a kind of play-within-a-play parodying seriously old-school Broadway.  This song starts off mildly amusing, but just you wait…

…By request*: Things which are lopsided

1. Beepbeep, beepbeep, yeah.  The proportion of honking horns by Saturday night hoons on George Street to the necessity of said honking (and hoons).

2. M vs F.  The gender split in key creative leadership roles in mainstream Australian theatre is under scrutiny.  Being very much a fringe-dweller (fringe enthusiast, even) when it comes to theatre, I can’t give a qualified comment.  However, I did attend a lecture at Belvoir St Theatre today (I came, I saw, I tweeted).  One point that resonated with me was that women who are in key creative roles – directors, artistic directors, etc – could afford to be a bit more supportive of each other, of women who are long-term practitioners and of female emerging artists.  In other words, the sisterhood is the antidote to the boys’ club.  A point of concern was, anything outside a white middle-class male perspective is seen as ‘alternative’ which, obviously, includes stories told from a female point of view.  It’s a bizarre notion that half the population is effectively viewed as a minority group, but this mindset seems to be affecting the perceived merit of creative work.  It’s a worrisome and frustrating situation, but hopefully the floodgates for discussion and change have opened for good.

3. My eyes (these goggles they do nothing!).  I noticed this one day and it freaked me out.  I can’t tell which eye is the droopy one, but they’re definitely set differently in my head.  I asked the optometrist and she said, “It’s common to be slightly asymmetrical.  Or it could be a brain tumour.”

*Every 10th TTD will be by request!  Tweet @daleyrant or leave a comment…