It’s not that I want to be disagreeable. It’s not that I want find fault. But. When things which should be awesome turn out to be a miserable bunch of crap, I feel it is my duty to say something. Except by duty I mean rabid compulsion.

I signed up for a course which should have been awesome. Turns out it was less awesome and more half-arsed, tedious, and uninsightful. It’s a fascinating creative field with limitless scope for expression, storytelling, ideas, communication, emotional release… And somehow all of this got trampled on or ignored or diluted.

After many attempts to put in more so I got more back, I found that no amount of work, optimism or tollerance improved things. It categorically sucked. In situations like these, all I want to do is tell someone or something that I am unimpressed, disappointed, disillusioned even. I want to make every wisecrack possible.

It’s a way to cope. It’s a way to not get sucked into the suckiness and abandon my natural enthusiasm in favour of a plateau of meh. If I can’t be engaged and inspired by the class, I can throw my passions (especially those for smartaleck jerk humour) into being subversive and a kind of dorky rebel.

It reminds me of those interminably boring days at school. I was the one passing notes with ridiculous cartoons or stupid puns or 17 layers of in-jokes on them. There’s something thrilling about this kind of uber-nerdy badassery. It’s a victimless crime (unless you get caught – then your arse is toast) but it makes you feel great.

It’s an exciting act of creativity – it triggers that mischievous part of my mind that used to bring my toys to life or spot dragon-shaped clouds when I was a kid.

To me, Twitter and the like are a global and technomological equivalent of passing notes in class – we can all sit around and crack wise about the same thing at the same time and have a shit-tonne of fun doing it. We might even like each other a little better for it.

So while it may seem that, yes, I’m just bitter, crazed and twisted for flinging zingers at the things in life that let me down, you should know that making these evil jokes is my version of turning a negative into a (warped kind of) positive (and a positive into 140 characters).

…The year 2010 for Scorpio

1. Mysterious-looking dude with mysterious-looking website must have cred: Big love, wacky work, facing fears.

2. Yes but no but yes but…: You may get the biggest break of your career or maybe nothing will change and you’ll be bored with the same conditions, people, and prospects.  You may find love, or maybe you’ll break up, or perhaps nothing at all will happen.  Finances could be good, but they could also be bad.

3. I wish I could write jokes like these: “…if you were not here, there would be no world.  Or there might be, but you wouldn’t know about it…”

…Stupid

1. Fun.

2. Show.

3. Government.

…The Oatmeal

1. 10 things you need to stop Tweeting about.

2. 7 reasons to keep your tyrannosaurus off crack.

3. How to use an apostrophe*.

*My fave, obviously.

This week, Aussie non-commercial alternative radio station, Triple J, held its Hottest 100 Songs of All Time as voted by its listeners.

It was a particularly cold and dreary day on which they played through numbers 50-to-1, so I decided (read: couldn’t be bothered getting out of my PJs and away from computer and heater) to Tweet my way through them. 

Here’s some of my inert running commentary:

• Silverchair are embarrassed by the immaturity of Tomorrow but what about “You’re the analyst, the fungus in my milk”, like, TEN YEARS LATER?!
• Thom Yorke recorded Fake Plastic Trees in one take, then burst into tears = Thom Yorke cries after a wank?
• Reckon if we play Thriller loud enough, MJ might climb back up to the surface and do the dance again? …Too soon?
• Teardrop by Massive Attack. So good. V.glad Madonna didn’t sing it as per original plan. I like my trip-hop to be pole-dance-free.
• Reckon if we play These Days loud enough, Heath Ledger might climb back up to the surface and do the dance again? …Too soon?
• Mixed feelings about Bittersweet Symphony (I’m here till Thursday, try the veal, etc)
• Bless you, Jonny Greenwood, for trying to destroy Creep with grindy guitar noises. You’re way cuter than Thom.
• “Radiohead’s DNA worked its way into Vanilla Sky“? OMG, my comedy gland just ruptured…
• “Oasis could do no wrong”? Uh…
• I could never like Wonderwall after a stalker sang it at me.
• Under the Bridge! *gets out lighter* *accidently sets fire to post-1995 Chili Peppers albums* *realises it wasn’t an accident*
• Reckon if we play Last Goodbye loud enough, Jeff Buckley might climb back up to the surface and do the dance again?
• Love you Jeff. For realz. Would totally become a zombie if it meant I could marry you. HOT.
• Bohemian Rhapsody plays. Neck and spine specialists rub hands together with glee.
• @triplej drags out lead-up to top 5 like Eddie Maguire drags out answer to million-dollar question
• Love you Thom. For realz. Would totally become a zombie if it meant I could marry Jonny Greenwood. HOT.
• Take Five by Dave Brubeck Quartet for number one!
• Seriously, did the Joy Division frontman also do vocals for The Monster Mash?
• It took Jeff Buckley 20 takes to record Hallelujah – and I bet he still didn’t cry afterwards. I’m looking at you Thom Yorke.
• I loved Jeff Buckley and Radiohead most when I was most depressed. Australia, is there a boy you like who doesn’t like you back?
• Reckon if we play Teen Spirit loud enough, Kurt Cobain might climb back up to the surface and do the dance again?