Guess what?!  This isn’t a TTD!  See?  I haven’t forgotten how to write things outside a numbered list.  Yet.

Unfortunately, though, this is a year-in-review entry.  I know, I know, these are annoying and irrelevent.  But I just looked at my 2008 round-up and I can tell you one thing – this one will be shorter.

2009 was easily one of the most arse-kickingest years of my life, if not THE most arse-kickingest (me rite gud).  And most of this is due to magical strokes of luck, rather than any wisdom or cleverness or deserving on my part.  Which is kind of annoying, in a way – it’s annoying to have tried so hard for so long, only to discover that, sometimes, quitting is the best decision you could ever make.

The one thing I didn’t explicitly say at the end of 2008 was that I had quit.  I quit performing.  I didn’t care if I never got on stage again.  I wasn’t emotional about it anymore, either.  I was just done.  Then I got an email from someone I respect a lot asking me if I wanted to be in a cabaret show.  That was one thing I’d never tried and I still loved singing.  So I said yes.  Little did I know what other huge events I’d end up saying yes to as a result.

Then came the job upheaval.  I had a choice to make there too.  To stay on and do more of the same (in a thinly-disguised ‘different’ package), or to quit and see what happens next.  I quit.  And, lo, it was amazing.

Yes, luck, luck, luck.  There’s been a lot of luck flying around for me in 2009…

I was lucky this year that, by sheer coincidence, I travelled.  A lot.

I was lucky this year to discover that some amazing people believed in me enough to put me on stage without me having to beg or to organise it myself – other people actually said ‘yes’ to my brand of silliness.  And, in the process, to realise how much I still love being ‘up there’.  And to find guidance through a most excellent vocal coach.  Yeah, all this stuff kinda rocked.

I was lucky this year because a global financial crisis meant I was granted a second chance at, well, life.

I was lucky this year that, for one mad month at least, I got a glimpse of what life could be like if my luckiness became more permanent.

I was lucky this year that my long-held theory that I could be a freelancer has come to fruition.  So far, so good.

I was lucky that, once again, my resolution to have “more music in my life” continued to be realised.

I was lucky that, all the learning about fun I did in 2008 paid dividends in 2009.

I was lucky that I’ve not only kept all my delightful friends, but I’ve made some amazing new ones who I hope continue to influence me in wacky and wonderful ways.

And I was lucky this year because I, and the people closest to me, have remained healthy and safe.

(actually, my health track-record for 2009 was impeccable – two minor colds… and that’s it.  BAM!)

Luck, luck, luck.  It was everywhere this year.  I have no idea why.  And I have no idea what lies ahead for 2010 – whether it could possibly be as fortuitous as this year.  Or more so.  Or not.

But for this year I am immensely grateful.

…New Year’s resolutions: Draft 1.3

1. Take resolutions seriously. If you’re going to resolve to do something, do it – don’t be a liar/slackarse.

2. Don’t take resolutions seriously. After all, why set out to be a disappointment?

3. Decide early and often whether to take the piss or be sincere so as not to confuse self and others. Yeah, that’s a good one.

…Impressive* things to do on a first date**

1. Create the right mood. Go somewhere nice, sit down facing each other, take a deep breath, and ask questions.  Lots of questions.  Leave no stone unturned.  People, places, things, past, future – get significant and shamelessly personal as early-on as possible.  Ask about every disease they’ve had, every date they’ve had, everything they’ve ever eaten on a stick.  Get them to outline their plans and goals, then follow up by asking for step-by-step schemas on how they’re going to achieve them.  Even the classic, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” is fair game.  Why?  Because a job-interview vibe is romantic – duh!  Oh, and forget about being light-hearted, amusing, and warm.  Leave that to the interviewee.  And when they try to ask you a question or two in return, stay tight-lipped and on-topic – the focus being their candidacy.  Phoar, I need a cold shower just thinking about the saucy politics of it all…

2. Be prepared. It pays to plan every second of every minute spent with someone you’re even vaguely attracted to.  Feelings and spontaneity will only put your true colours on display and leave chemistry to do its thing unhindered – and who would possibly want that?  You’re much better off telling them to meet you at 1805 hours on the third panel of concrete to the left of the door of 827 Bland Street, and then ushering them from place to place without leaving them a single moment to decide if they’re enjoying themselves.  Or breathe.

3. Getting to know you – really. Learning more about someone by talking to them is a bit cliched.  So why not show your originality and sophistication through the subtle art of mime?  When the time comes to order your lasagne, the restaurant staff are bound to look at you with both warmth and admiration, and not at all like you’re a mad wanker for whom fortune has smiled but this one time.  There’s equal chance that they’ll look at your date like they’re the most pathetic person on earth to have, er, nodded yes to going out with you in the first place.  And these are surely the promises of which dream-dates are made.  *SIGH*

*Loosely***-defined
**Which may or may not have impressed me in real life
***Read: Incorrectly

…Christmas gift ideas for Santa’s “naughty” list*

1. Etch-a-Sketch. Don’t you love the spectacular images used to promote these things on TV, on the product box and in the manual?  Wow, it seems anyone can be an artist with Etch-a-Sketch – even me!  But no.  Instil a sense of failure in kids nice and early in life with a toy that seems fun and creative but is actually tedious and nigh on impossible.  And even if kids turn out to be Etch-a-Sketch savants, all it takes is for one nasty swipe to clear all the genius away.  Forget toy weapons and pooping-pig keyrings - this is surely the most malicious toy ever created.

2. Anything involving wool, thread, fabric, flowers or fragrance. A flower press?  Soap?  A weaving kit?  A crochet set?  In the right packaging, all of these things resemble decent presents for young’uns, but if you’re feeling less like Santa and more like Scrooge this festive season, you’ll know that none of these things equal fun.  They all equal work.  Mwah ha ha.

3. Chocolate gold coins. It’s widely acknowledged that chocolate gold coins feature The Shittest Chocolate In The World™.  Like their cousin, cheaparse Easter eggs – and unlike the near-unrelated entity, ACTUAL CHOCOLATE - chocolate gold coins do not melt in your mouth.  In fact, they do not melt AT ALL.  At most, they become malleable like plasticine.  Yet, they have the shiny appeal of things kids like.  The reality is, kids love chocolate gold coins.  I know I did.  And even I could tell they were made from The Shittest Chocolate In The World™.  So you can safely use these as stocking-stuffers for any monster brats you know, with the petty satisfaction that you’ve given them something sub-par.

*OR “Reasons to be nice”

…Things about $11.95 shoes

1. If the shoe fits. I needed black, “pointy-toed” shoes for some upcoming gigs, so I did what any practically-minded performer who’s never owned black, “pointy-toed” shoes would do.  I went to the cheapest possible store that sells them.  I found a pair that fit surprisingly comfortably.  Sure, they’re 100% synthetic, but my venues are hardly the Opera House.  So these fit the bill and the feet.  Best of all, at $11.95, they fit the budget too.

2. Archie. Not surprisingly, $11.95 shoes have little in the way of arch support.

3. Exploration. $11.95 shoes may take you to strange places, just so you can sit down.  Like now, even though I have internet in plentiful supply at home, here I am at a net cafe.  Just so I can sit down.