- or why I’ll never grow up

• You can flip off a cab driver who tries to run you over, then walk away giggling to yourself that you got away with it.
• You can spend a day playing vintage video games and feel like you’ve done a good job
• You’re always the “cool” aunt.
• You can wear sneakers and hoodies and not have to pretend that you enjoy wearing heels or this season’s is-it-a-dress-or-a-top? numbers.
• You can take delight in discovering and using new swearwords – and recycling old ones. I currently enjoy saying $#!TB@LL$, D!P$#!T, Fv(k$T!(KS,
  Fv(K’T@RD, G!ZZRaG, B!T(#T!T$, Fv(KETY, (o(K$P@NK
• You also take delight in inventing names in your head for the strangers you see every day. On my bus there’s The Serial-Killer, The Monkeyman, The Barbie Twins, Mr Dad Joke, The Fatcats, The Drama Queen of Antiquity (okay, so I just made up that last one now – but it is about a real person on the bus and I promise to use it from now on).
• You’re like a kid in a candy store… when you’re in a candy store (especially one of those imported candy stores such as Treats from Home – corrrrr blimey!).
• There may be cons to being this juvenile, but you’re too busy writing a self-indulgent blog to notice.
• Anything grown-up (swellegant-elegant parties, negotiations in business, using the abbreviation “FY08″) is foreign enough to be almost as exciting as visiting another planet.

It’s not back yet, but I’m told it’s well on the way. Thankfully, I’m not talking about Christmas. I’m talking about every kid’s favourite planet to draw, Saturn.

Every 29.5 years, Saturn returns to the same point in space as it was when you were born. But what has a bigarse planet in the middle of nowhere have to do with us? Well, the astrologers say that the years either side of when “Saturn returns” are kind of a crisis zone.

Not necessarily in a bad way, however. Around this time, people often meet the love of their lives or find the jobs of their dreams, or they uproot and travel the world to see what else there is. In the years either side of 30, people supposedly cast off their ballast in favour of a more condensed version of their lives.

Sound vague? You betcha. These people explain it better than I do, though it’s still all very flowery, as you’d expect.

Of course, my publication’s astrologer tells me that I’m in a new lunar cycle and I’m also dealing with “a strong Uranian influence” at the moment. This is making me “crave emotional and intellectual stimulation”, giving me an “overwhelming urge to travel”, and making me “quite psychic”.

It’s true, I have been bored, my feet have been itchy (though that’s partly remedied with my impending trek to the Greek islands later this year – booyah!), and my gut feelings have been pretty damn sharp (sounds like appendicitis). I should play some poker before Uranus leaves my chart…

I’m on a bit of a learning spree, too. In the last six weeks I’ve started Greek language classes and Bikram yoga (that’s a story in itself). I’m still taking singing lessons too and with that the learning curve has suddenly become mighty steep (at the moment, the middle voice = brain explosion, but we’ll get there). The challenge really, really rocks.

Unusually enough, though, I’m not particularly stressed about any of this. Maybe the meditative effects of yoga are finally starting to kick in – my reason for getting into it in the first place. Inner peace. After all, you can’t be a belligerent psycho your whole life…

Itchy feet, casting off the ballast, seeking a new Everest… The collaboration of Uranus and impending Saturn, or just a pattern of being perpetually bored and indulgent and going from crisis to crisis just to amuse myself?

Whatever it is, there’s something in the air. I said it at the start of this year, and I’m still saying it – there’s something about 2008 that feels completely different. And if the last couple of months – especially the last couple of weeks – are anything to go by, it’s safe to say I’m right.