I have a compulsion I cannot quell. Every time I stumble upon a kind of confectionary that I haven’t tried, I must try it. Immediately.
Kit-Kat are among the worst ‘offenders’. Almost every time I’m in a supermarket, there’s a new type – dark chocolate, dark chocolate mint, cookies and cream, triple chocolate, pink ribbon strawberry (as long as it’s for a good cause) and on it goes.
And when the Kit-Kat Chunky arrived, well, every flavour imaginable was fair game. There was caramel, cookie dough, peanut butter, cookies and cream…
I’m not endorsing Kit-Kat – at least, not exclusively. Picnic has done almost exactly same thing, as did Boost and Twix. Everyone’s gone triple chocolate at some stage – especially at an all-you-can-eat dessert bar (ah, those poor souls working at Pizza Hut…).
But then there were the Tim Tams – the biscuit that took indulgence to a whole new level. Oh lordy lord – regular, dark, white, mocha, Tia Maria (one of my all-time faves), double-dipped, chewy caramel, and now there are the spin-off varieties – hazelnut mocha, toffee nut and the inspired honeycomb.
I’m sure the Tim Tam experts in a testing lab somewhere decided one day (between defibrillations): “Why waste space with two biscuits per unit when you can just add extra filling and some special crunchy stuff on top, coat it in more chocolate, and put more units in each pack?”
This masterstroke is testament to why they are the experts, and I’d be happy to donate insulin to support their cause.
Meanwhile, there’s Cadbury/Dove/Nestle/Lindt’s ever-growing list of new block varieties. I’m currently addicted to Lindt’s dark chocolate with chilli, and their ‘petit desserts’ range is mighty fine. Ah, the delights never end!
Still, this does leave me with a bit of a problem. For, as long as these confectioners release new varieties, I will never be able to safely walk through a supermarket again. It’s not like this stuff is exclusive to the confectionary aisle – it’s everywhere. You walk in the door – there’s a fresh new display of Lindt. You turn into the fruit section, and there are all the fancy gift boxes. You walk past the offal (holding your breath if you’re me) and there’s a stack of Tim Tams. Even the pets aisle has treats that look choc-coated!
Honestly, they must see my red sneakers traipsing towards them from miles away.
The problem is even worse when I travel for, suddenly, I’m in a whole new world of confection. I was besotted with drug stores in the US – it meant I could by a massive box of Junior Mints for $1, or a rattling pack of Five Flavours of Spearmint Skittles (I kid you not – and to answer your question, YES you can have five different flavours of spearmint!). And then there’s peanut butter everything – I reckon you could get peanut butter flavoured chewing gum if you tried hard enough.
In the UK, meanwhile, I found that the chocolate is a lot different to the Australian varieties. They don’t need to put wax in their choc because it’s not hot enough over there (our choc would all liquefy in summer) so the texture is different – a novelty, if you will. So Toffee Crisp and Starbars away!
In short, nowhere is safe. Maybe I should invest in an anti-chocolate electronic bracelet… or become an expert for Tim Tams.
