…New Year’s resolutions: Draft 1.3
1. Take resolutions seriously. If you’re going to resolve to do something, do it – don’t be a liar/slackarse.
2. Don’t take resolutions seriously. After all, why set out to be a disappointment?
3. Decide early and often whether to take the piss or be sincere so as not to confuse self and others. Yeah, that’s a good one.
…New Year’s resolutions*, draft 1.2
1. Opposites world. Do the opposite of everything you’d normally feel compelled to do. If your every impulse is wrong, then you could change your life for the better. Chances are, though, you’ll wind up in jail. This could be a good route if you’re looking for some downtime.
2. Great pretender. Get to expert-level in the field of pretence. Why be yourself when you can be someone more intriguing? Wear a mask - and not just metaphorically. Nothing makes heads turn like a phantom outfit or a plague snout.
3. Pants on fire. Lie with gusto to yourself and others until you’ve completely and spectacularly altered your reality. After all, the truth might set you free, but lies can get you free stuff. And free stuff SOLVES EVERYTHING.
…New Year’s resolutions, draft 1.1
1. Be brave.
2. Be bold.
3. Believe*.
…New Year’s resolutions*, draft 1.0
1. Finish what you start.
2. Be consciously courageous every day (or, in the negative, stop being such a chickensh!t), even when you can’t be arsed.
3. Consume more ginger**.
